Hey everyone, I’ve been working on this project for a while and I wanted to get some feedback.
It’s a rewrite of a story I use to contribute to a long time ago: https://forum.starmen.net/forum/Fan/Writing/IF-MoonBound/page/1/
I wanted to try and bring back and improve a story that I not only enjoyed reading but making also, so tell me what you think of my story featuring the return of the Mani Mani and the rise of new challenges that will test our young hero’s.
Also this won’t be an ongoing thing, I want to have a large amount of this done before I start posting it on here. This is just me seeing how I’m doing so far.
Chapter 1: One Fateful Night
“All right, guys, it’s been real, but it’s closing time,” Jackie said. It had been a relatively quiet night, and the usual ebb and flow of regulars had come and gone, leaving the bar empty, save two remaining occupants; an out of town couple from Winters on a vacation to Eagleland. The stools had been cleaned, flipped on top of their respective tables, the floor swept, and the glasses washed, dried, and put away upon the shelves behind the counter, pristine ready for tomorrow’s workday. He walked over to the jukebox to unplug it for the night. As the pair left out of the door, the bell chimed out a familiar ring denoting their exit. As he reached down towards the outlet, he heard it ring a second time.
“Look I’m not gonna say it twice, we’re close-”
“Not here for a drink.” A large hooded man stood between Jackie and the exit. He removed the hood of his black jacket to reveal a black bandana obscuring the bottom half of his face, a dirty blond mop of hair, and a pair of blue eyes, the crazed look within them Jackie could remember with a sick nostalgia. Monotoli used to have that look.
“Take the money in the register, then,” Jackie said.
He could feel a cool sweat begin to form on the back of his neck, slow trickles of anxiety in response to his growing sense of unease. The man pointed the metal bat he had been resting on his shoulder when he entered the bar toward Jackie.
“Not here for money, either, mate.”
The man walked behind the counter and let out a whistle of appreciation. “Lookie what we have here.” He hefted a large sledgehammer from behind the bar, laying his bat on the counter. “A right beauty she is! I imagine this situation would’ve gone less than cordial if you’d had this fiery number at your side.” He looked up from his admiration of the hammer to lock eyes with Jackie, who was staring at him intently.
“Look,” said the thief calmly, a chilling contrast to mania lying behind his eyes. Barely contained.
“I know you kept the pieces of it. Just give them to me, and this fine establishment you run will remain intact.”
“Pieces of wh-” Again Jackie was cut off, not by the surprise of an unwanted guest, but by the abrupt shattering of dozens of glasses. The thief had whipped the sledgehammer in a blur of motion, ripping through shelves, glasses, and bottles sending a deluge of alcohol and glass shards flying in all directions. Leaving a dent in the wall.
“Try lyin’ to me again & the next thing I break is you, Jackie-boy.”
“Where. Are. The. Pieces?”
The look in his eyes told Jackie that this was no idle threat. He pointed to a door. “In the storage room.” Compliance would be the only way out; the thief had made that very clear.
“Go on and grab them for me. Being locked in your store room’s not the way I’d like to end my night. I’m at bit touched with the madness, but I’ve never been slow, Jackie-boy,” the hooded man said.
With these words, Jackie’s heart sank. He had pinned his hopes on this thief being careless at the last second. He moved towards the door, the sounds of his boots on the tile and the crunch of broken glass underfoot the only sounds to be heard, save for the intermittent roars of thunder outside, the precursor to a brewing storm. He hoped that couple had made it to a hotel before the rain started.
He opened the door, flipped the light switch on, and headed for the corner where the statue pieces resided, moving a mountain of boxes stacked upon one another in an effort to save space. After Ness had destroyed the foul idol during his last adventure, Jackie had gathered the pieces up into a sack and left them in a box in a dank corner of the storeroom, hoping it’d never again see the light of day; hoping that its corruption would never infect another heart and soul.
“I should’ve tossed them in the sea and been done with it,” he muttered to himself, regretting the decision to keep any memento of the statue, thinking any harm it could do was long past.
He lifted the sack from the box, not even daring to look inside. He knew all too well what was within. It radiated an aura of maleficence causing the hairs on the back of Jackie’s neck to stand on end. He exited the storeroom to find the thief sitting on the counter of the bar, his baseball bat resting on his shoulder and the sledgehammer returned to its covert spot, on the shelf beneath the cash register.
The man hopped from the counter at Jackie’s approach and snatched the bag from his grasp, a murmur of appreciation leaving his lips as he inspected the contents.
“Ahh, there we are! Now, was that so hard?” the thief called over his shoulder as he made his way out the door into the night.
He exited the bar, hastily making his way toward the Monotoli building, the crashing of thunder and the steady tap of his feet on the pavement were all that could be heard. As he neared the front of the skyscraper, a dull light shone at the base of its steps. The bag wrenched itself from the thief’s grasp to land within the light. A dazzling flash erupted forth as the bag tore from the inside out, the light pouring from it barely contained blinding him momentarily. When his vision returned, there stood a golden statue, immaculate, and still glowing with a supernatural light.
Its visage, a horned man plunging a blade into a pedestal.
“Finally!” the man cried out, “No more nightmares, no more visions!” He sank to his knees, something between a laugh and a sob escaping his throat. A voice spoke in his mind.
’You’ve done well. Here is your reward.’
CRASH! BOOM! BANG!
His world went white, then he felt nothing.
Chapter 2: Artificial Flavoring
Ring ring
Ring ring
*Ring ri-
“Hello?”
He answered the phone groggily, waking from what would perhaps be his last peaceful sleep.
“Monotoliit’sadiaster!”
“Jackie? What’s the problem?”
“HetookithecameinwhenIwasclosingthebarandstoleit!”
“Waitwaitwait, slow down I can’t understand anything you’re saying!”
Mr. Monotoli’s sleep-addled mind could barely keep up with the torrent of information the bartender was desperately and hastily trying to convey.
“Who took what?”
On the other line, he could hear Jackie take a deep breath in an attempt to compose himself. After a couple seconds and a few more deep breaths, Jackie spoke.
“The statue, Geldegarde… someone came in… and stole the pieces.”
He was stunned, his mind racing to grasp what the resurgence of that un-holy idol would lead to. It was bad enough he himself and countless others had been swayed by its influence, but now some rogue had made off with its pieces for god knew what reason. Monotoli could feel a deep weight settle in his stomach, and his mouth went dry.
“How long ago did this happen?”
“About fifteen minutes ago.”
“Alright. Call the authorities and let them know there’s been a robbery. If they catch him before he can do anything with the pieces, we might be able to nip this nightmare in the bud.”
“Sounds like a plan. What are you going to do?”
“I’ll try to get into contact with Ness. If anyone can take care of this kind of problem, it’d be that kid.”
“I’ll get right on it. And, Geldegarde?”
“Yes?”
“Stay safe. I have a feeling things are going to get worse before they get better.”
“You too.”
Monotoli hung up the phone and laid back in his bed, memories of his last encounter with Ness and his friends flashing through his mind. He knew firsthand of the corruption that statue instigated. Paula was instantly forgiving. Somehow knowing it had warped his mind and manipulated the weakness in his heart, though he still felt guilty for having such weakness in the first place. His time as a politician had left him greedy and self-centered, making it all too easy for him to be played by Porky, and, by extension, Giygas’ influence.
He rose from his bed several minutes later, turning on the lights in his apartment. A grim but constant reminder of his time as mayor, the many illicit deals and “donations” he had received being more than enough to afford him the luxury he’d once flaunted with such pride and arrogance. Not wanting to dwell on his past transgressions too long, he hastily got dressed, grabbing his hat and a walking stick, Jackie’s warning fresh in his mind.
Making his way to out his door and down the hall towards the elevator, Monotoli was determined to retrieve Ness. The boy was Eagleland’s best hope if things were truly turning for the worse once again.
———
As he made his way into his place of work, Mayor Enrich Flavor thought it was rather odd that there were so many people milling around in front of the City Hall. A closer inspection revealed that most of the people were actually police officers and detectives sealing off a crime scene, with a few nosy citizens poking around to see what was going on. As he made his way towards the crime scene, he could hear snippets of the citizens’ conversations.
“Break in at Jackie’s…”
“Betty said she saw neon lights las…”
“A murder? Things like this never happened when Monot…”
Flavor approached the nearest detective. The man was wearing a simple dress shirt and blue tie with an overcoat, looking like a detective from one of those Noire crime movies, down to the cigarette hanging from his mouth. The man was jotting something down in his pocket-sized notebook when he noticed the Mayor out of the corner of his eye.
“Good morning, Mr. Mayor. I’m Detective Paul Dean," he said as he removed the cigarette from his mouth and dropped it onto the sidewalk, stepping on the remains and extinguishing the embers. "We received a report this morning from a passerby that a man was lying face-down on the pavement in front of City Hall.”
Flavor casually glanced over to the charred corpse of what once was a man, watching as two officers took pictures and investigated the scene for evidence.
“Well, I’m sure you’ll find the murderer,” Flavor said, giving him an encouraging smile that lacked any genuine warmth; one that didn’t quite reach his eye. A politician’s smile.
“That’s the funny thing. We’ll need to investigate further, but he seemed to die after being struck by thunder. We think it might be related to the break-in at Jackie’s bar last night, but we have no way to confirm if this man and the robber are the same person."
Flavor could believe that. The man had been flash fried, reduced to a ghoulish husk.
“Yo! Pauly, we need you over here!” Another officer called out to the detective for a task that required his attention.
“I’m sorry, will you excuse me?” Paul said hurriedly.
“Of course. Don’t let me keep you,” the mayor replied, letting his smile fall from his face as the man turned away.
Wanting to shake off the incident, Flavor told himself that the good police of Fourside would take care of the situation. He then turned around and entered the hulking City Hall, making his way to his office, strolling past the receptionist on the first floor towards the elevator. The short ride up left him alone with his thoughts.
Mayor Flavor mopped his forehead with his sleeve; he was never good with dead bodies. It wasn’t just the way they looked or smelled, but the fallout Enrich was required to handle. Even though the man had obviously been killed by a lightning strike, the fact that it happened on the steps of city hall would mean about a week of press conferences and interviews, questions about the crime problem and public safety and animal attacks, and a thousand other things he didn’t need to deal with at the moment. As he reached the top floor and the elevator doors opened the smell of perfume wafted about.
“Did you see the man?” Flavor’s secretary, Adrianna asked, looking over her gaudy glasses at her boss as he proceeded to make his way toward her desk.
“The man in front? Yes, yes, they were just carting him away.” Flavor replied.
“Oh my, did they tell you what happened to him? They wouldn’t tell me, they just made me go right inside. Do you think it has anything to do with the robbery last night?”
Flavor dropped his coat next to the rack and opened his door. “I’m going to take a quick nap, so don’t forward any calls,” he said, not acknowledging her questions. She continued on, either not noticing or not caring.
“And that’s not the only strange thing that happened last night, Betty said she and her husband were driving in from Threed and saw bright neon lights flashing in the sky, all the way from Dusty Dunes! I haven’t talked with Margret yet, but she has an astronomer friend so she’ll probably have a better idea—”
“You heard me, right?” He said abruptly, cutting her off.
“Right; don’t forward any calls, Mr. Flavor.”
“Good.” Flavor closed his office door behind him.
“I’ll tell you what Betty says!” Adrianna called through the thick oak doors.
An ergonomic chair, a marble desk, an unused closet, a display case and coffee table; Enrich prided himself on being a minimalist. He closed the curtains and pulled out a bottle of hard rum. He poured himself a glass, but held off on partaking. Something was off. He felt… odd today. As soon as he entered his office, in fact. The day had already started off miserably, so why wasn’t he more miserable than usual? It should be that simple, but as soon as he walked in the door, he felt… it was hard to explain. The stack of meaningless paperwork on his desk, the press schedule, the irritating secretary, his divorced wife and estranged daughter, the dead man on the front steps, nagging constituents… they were meaningless now. He felt…
Cold.
Almost numb to the concerns of this waking world.
He turned his head. The only warmth evidently emanating from the closet door. The alluring pull drawing him from his seat. Drink forgotten, in the unyielding need to investigate.
To find the source…
To Flavor all the world was a dull listless grey. All the world except that closet door. He felt as though the ground beneath him had given way, that he was in a grand abyss that threatened to swallow him whole. His only salvation, the door. But now it looked so… far away, the space between he and it seeming to stretch.
He rose gradually, was it this hard to move when he had first entered his office? He couldn’t remember. His only care right now being, making it to that door. All else was washed away in the single minded pursuit of this goal. With each step that weight lifted, replaced with elation, and a vitality he hadn’t felt since his varsity days. Countless hours spent training, honing his body. Another step, another rush of power.
He remembered dominating on the field, a juggernaut of a young man, tearing through defensive lines. Leaving ruin in his wake, back then he had felt invincible. Before he had let him self get over weight, his opponents and even a few of his team mates taunting him for the extra pounds he had gained, saying: “Flavor likes the flavor of anything.”
One more step. One more flood of strength. and with the memory, a tinge of resentment. For not only those in his past who had taunted him, but also those who didn’t appreciate his mayoral prowess. After that fool Monotoli had left the seat vacant, he had kept this city from running into the ground, he fixed the sewer system and mobilized the Fourside police force, to take care of the rampant possessed taxis that had roamed the streets.
He finally made it to the door, feeling like he had been walking for ages. Reaching out for the handle, no longer appearing to have control of himself, like a marionette. As though a being more powerful than himself had led him toward the door. He embraced this guiding feeling for the less he resisted, the more strength he felt, the more self-worth he attained.
The mayor opened the closet door. What he saw amazed him, a statue etched of pure gold. A visage of a horned man gripping the hilt of a blade, the point of the weapon buried in the pedestal on which he stood. He reached out to touch the statue and his vision blurred, his legs becoming unsteady and giving way, leaving him prostrate before the idol. When he could see again, and feeling returned to his legs he was taken aback to find his office had changed, becoming a dark mirror version of it’s original form. The white walls, and marble desk, replaced for neon green and red inversions of the former decor.
His coffee table and large comfy chair now a bright yellow and blue respectively, a neon outline inlaid by a black darker than a moonless midnight. More jarring than the bright neon decor was, the feeling this place had. A palpable weight he could sense throughout his whole body, from the top of his head to the soles of his feet.
His first instinct was to call Adrianna, to see if everything had changed outside his office as well. but he quickly thought better of the idea. Let Betty tell her what’s going on.
“You are wise not to call her in. She couldn’t hear you, anyways.”
“Who said that?” Flavor asked. Jumping slightly from surprise, looking around the his office trying to find the speaker. The strange, almost alluring voice seemed as though it came from all around him. Giving the disembodied voice an echo-like reverb.
“Richard Flavor, I sense in you a drive to excel. A drive not often found in lesser beings.”
Flavor approached the statue sitting in his previously unused closet. “Who are you and, what is it that you want?”
“I am a benefactor, from a far off world. I speak to you through this idol of avarice. My goal is to induct your race into the ‘Collective’, adding your people to an intergalactic community that spans the stars.” The statues eyes glowed green as it relayed the message to Flavors mind.
“And what exactly do you gain from this union?”
“We are a magnanimous race, it is our duty to spread knowledge. One we take quite seriously.”
Flavor crossed his arms and looked at the statue with a skewed eye. “That’s not what I meant,”
“Ah, the shrewd mind of a politician. I knew I made the right choice for a partner.”
“My own stake in this endeavor, is simply to make a point about how things should be done.”
Suddenly, in the blink of an eye, Flavor’s office returned to normal. The sky outside was blue, and his walls were once again a pure white. The gold statue glowed dully in the closet. He slowly returned to his desk, and sat down in his chair. Taking a liberal swig of the drink he poured when he first entered, downing half of it. The rum settling in his stomach did little to calm him.
“So what’s my motivation for helping you ‘induct’ humanity?”
“Other than going down in your people’s history, as the one who shepherded them into a new technological age the likes of which they had never dreamed of? I offer the power within this Mani Mani statue.”
“Is that what that neon nightmare was? Th-the…power of the statue?”
“In a sense….”
“..What you saw was Moonside, a plane of existence fabricated by the emotions and memories of those who come into contact with the Mani Mani. I can condense this psionic energy and gift it to you. Though magicant made manifest must be accepted wholly, if you have any doubt within your heart you will be devoured by it.”
He was silent for a moment, taking a smaller drink from his glass. Remembering the aura that enveloped him when he touched the statue, Flavor had felt as if he owned the world. Now he actually could.
The thought both scared and excited him. He wondered how the citizens of world react to such a change.
He wondered what Articia would say, would she come crawling back? Or would she be ashamed of him? She always use to say he had become a tyrant, in the months leading up to their separation.
Flavor nodded. He wanted power, craved fame and glory. He wanted more out of life than a stint as a civil servant. What awaited him here? Years of work followed by retirement, and a unceremonious death. Forgotten like so many others, lost to the foggy mists of time.
“I accept your offer, show me how things should be done.”
A golden blade appeared on Flavors desk in front of him, a simulacra of the sword the statue held.
“Take the blade and we shall see the strength of your resolve.”