Starmen.Net

Some of our troops wanted to visit the beach in the Outrealms again. Admittedly, I wanted to go, too. I asked Chrom what he thought of a little Shepherd R and R, and he said it was fine. He requested that I take Lissa along, as she has grown pale and rather sickly since Emmeryn died.

Of The Shepherds, Sumia, Cordelia, Lissa, Donnel, Ricken, Panne, Gaius, Nowi, Libra, Tharja, and I went to the beach.

We didn’t take weapons with us when we went, so we were caught off-guard when we arrived to a beach full of hostile Plegians.

I fortunately had a few tomes I wanted to read while I sunbathed, so I gave one to Ricken and one to Tharja. Nowi and Panne had their respective stones on hand, so the five of us cleared the beach while the rest watched from afar. (Gaius was pick-pocketing the Plegians as we shooed them away.) It was rather terrifying with what zeal Tharja zapped the beachgoers. Panne and Nowi, by their sheer size, scared the majority of the trunks-donning Plegians away.

Eventually, we had the beach to ourselves with minimal violence.

Sumia and Cordelia sat at the shoreline and gossiped with one another. Donnel, Ricken, Libra, and Nowi built a grand sand castle. Gaius asked me if he could return to stow his goods; I told him no, that we had to all return together. He frowned when he was forced to give up the goods to the convoy and then joined Lissa.

Tharja stalked me from a distance. I did my best to ignore her as I read my tomes. Panne didn’t do very much. She sat beside me with her feet dipped in the water.

I grew concerned when Panne started panting rather audibly and held out her long ears. I asked her what was wrong. She said that it was too hot for her with her dense fur. I put down my tomes (which Tharja guarded vigilantly) and took Panne’s hand, and I led her into the water. She was reluctant to enter the water at first, but she eventually joined me. She said the water felt good on her skin, and I was glad.

I asked her if she had ever swum, and she answered no. She then reciprocated the question, to which I answered no. I told her I had read about swimming, and that I wanted to try it. She told me she would watch and that I could go ahead, so I did; I sank.

Gaius and Tharja dove after me and brought me to shore. Tharja volunteered (without hesitation) to perform cardiopulmonary resuscitation on me to which I fervently shook my head as I sputtered out water and “no!”s. She mashed her mouth against mine anyway. Panne and Gaius had to pry her off of me. I heard giggles from the pegasus riders. I was very embarrassed in general. I was also far more disgusted by what Tharja had done to me than by the slimy weeds that covered me.

Panne helped me up and picked the seaweed off of me until everyone was ready to go back to camp. (Tharja had volunteered to pull the seaweed off of my body, but I think Gaius pitied me because he offered her something that apparently changed her mind.)

We were able to bring back a glass lance, a brave axe, a Master Seal, a concoction, and a Dragonstone. I would say the visit was quite a success, but I am still sour about what happened with Tharja.

Panne, I thought, was sleeping when I came to deliver the soup. I set it on the table and turned to leave when she addressed me. She apologized for what had happened the night before and asked how my injuries were. They healed well, thanks to Libra’s immediate care, and I told her not to sweat what had happened, and that it was not her fault. She thanked me for the soup, which I brought to her, and took a sip.

She said, “You did not make this.”

I was astonished that she knew, and I asked her how she could tell the difference.

Her smile is very beautiful. I think that was the first time I have seen her smile.

She said that the soup did not warm her the way mine did. I laughed and said it must have gotten cold on the way, but she shook her head.

Then she leaned her head on my shoulder. Her hair was so soft, and her ear draped over my arm. I could not help but to feel it. It was very velvety.
She told me that my heart was beating fast—and it was.

I gently slid my shoulder out from under her head and told her to enjoy her soup, and I left rather hastily.

My forehead feels hot. I wonder if I have contracted some sort of illness. Libra, Maribelle, and Lissa said there is nothing wrong with me, but I know there is. I am looking for my symptoms in some of my medical texts. Perhaps I should consider using that Second Seal soon and learn how to heal myself.

Frederick got frustrated with me today during a tactical meeting. Chrom laughed. I could not focus. Frederick abandoned the meeting and probably went to collect pebbles.

Chrom asked me “who she is”. I pretended to have no idea what he was talking about.

He did not pry further, but suggested that I just propose, saying that he is a happier man for having done so himself.

I am not sure proposing is exactly the solution to my illness, but I am sure it is because of her.

Why can’t a man think clearly once a woman comes into his life?

I am not in love with Panne. I simply wish to get to know about her and her race more. Isn’t it natural for a human to be attracted to that which he does not understand? Ricken is always experimenting with new magic and Donnel with new combative techniques.

Why, then, did I nearly get myself killed on the battlefield today? Chrom had to rescue me and leave Lissa exposed. Thank goodness Frederick can cover great strides. He was able to defend her from an enemy from her flank.

I’ll have to ask Panne about her life among the Taguel. I still do not know anything about the lifestyle of Taguel—aside from that they eat inedible fruit, are allergic to potatoes, and can heal themselves with their saliva.

I realized that I have been filling this journal with nonsense as of late, so I will not write for a week. Hopefully, I can regain a clear mind, and I will be more useful as a tactician than I have been.

Trial 2 of Experiment: Friendship once again supports my hypothesis.

I currently lie bleeding and wrapped in bandages like a mummy. It’s cold.

Lissa and Maribelle are fretting over me. They are afraid I may die. Libra and Chrom are here now and so is Panne. She is lying against my arm as I write. She is very soft, but she’s cold, too. That could be from how much blood I’ve lost, though.

I’m pretty sure Beast Killers work equally effectively on humans as they do on beasts.

—

Chrom had to leave because our camp is being attacked. Libra cannot leave because of me. Panne said The Shepherds could handle themselves.
There is a lot of shouting and clanging of metal outside the tent. I tried to sit up to listen, but I forgot that I was severely hurt and aggravated my wounds. Libra is healing them now. It’s a strange feeling to be healed by a staff; it itches and tingles.

Lying down all down is excruciatingly boring and ironically exhausting. Anna is watching over me now, as my injuries are not so serious that they require the attention of a Monk. Anna has been counting gold the whole time she has been watching me. I offered to help her since I have nothing else to do, but she gave my wrist a thwack with her staff when I reached out for a coin.

Anna wouldn’t let me read since that would require me to hold up heavy books. She said that that would reopen my wounds. I asked her if she would hold the book for me. She told me no. I asked her if she would read to me. She laughed and returned to counting her gold.

I think I prefer Libra over Anna.

—

Donnel’s fish and rice dish was delicious. Libra helped me to sit up so I could eat. I was very hungry. Recovering takes a lot of energy, evidently. I will keep this in mind for the future.

Chrom visited to relay the days’ events to me and to discuss strategies after dinner.

I mentioned Tharja to him and requested that she be relieved of duty, but Chrom grew angry at me and said that she has earned her place among the Shepherds and that I had no right to pluck her out from our army. He also said that she could not return to Plegia now that she has sided with Ylissean soldiers and insisted that she stay with us. I usually am all for supporting those in need of help—Chrom knows this—but Tharja does not need our help. She is perfectly capable of holding her own, and except for me, she loathes all of The Shepherds. I am not sure why Chrom is being stubborn about this. I tried to remind him that she had just hexed one of our own and of her disturbing infatuation with me, but he wouldn’t hear it. I am disappointed in Chrom.
I had to give away my swords and tomes to other troops as they used up or broke theirs.

—

Anna is supposed to be watching over me tonight, but she is sleeping atop her stash of gold with her sword firmly in hand. Her staff is on the floor by me.
I think I will request someone else to monitor me tomorrow instead.

I am still baffled by my own boldness last night, but I am glad things worked out the way they did.
Panne watched over me last night.

She came late in the evening. I first noticed that she had completely changed her attire. She no longer wore her Taguel armor but cloth apparel similar to what Anna wears. I then saw the sheathed sword on her hip and the rod in her hand.

I asked her where the healer was, and she said that she would be the healer. She explained that Libra had showed her how to use a staff, and she said she had practiced enough that Libra gave her permission to have primary watch over me.

I asked her where her Beaststone was. She said that it was stowed away in the convoy. I asked her why the sudden change. She sighed but would not answer the question.

Unsure of what further to say, we sat in silence for a while.

She asked me if I did not enjoy her company. I told her no, but that I was disappointed for her that she lost a part of herself. She told me that it was nothing, and that she would not forget where she had come from.

Then we talked for a while. I asked her about her clan, and she told me stories of her warren and of her mother and brother. She told me that humans had destroyed her clan and their neighboring clans when she was a kit, and that aside from those that were close to her, she had no memory of her kind. She knew what she did from stories her mother would tell her and her brother.

I asked her what kind of stories her mother told her. She said that her mother would talk of other Taguel—Taguels that took the form of lions and of birds with great bravery and strength. Her mother also told her of a time when their clan coexisted alongside humans peacefully, and how the Taguel were revered for their power. She said that her mother would also tell stories of her own childhood—of a time that she had befriended a human girl who gave her yarn dolls and lent her pretty dresses.

I asked her if her clan had incorporated any human traditions. She said that, according to her mother, they once embraced human culture, but any human customs were reviled after her warren had heard of the slaughter of the Taguel race by human hands in other parts of the land.

I asked her if those memories made her sad. She said no. She said it made her who she was, and that she does not dwell on the past.

I told that I didn’t have any memories of my own from before I met Chrom and The Shepherds, and that I wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing. Panne did not answer—I did not expect her to. As I had nothing else to tell, I asked her if she would tell me more stories about her childhood—the ones that she could remember. She smiled again and promised me that she would.

Then, she said my heart was beating fast again.

To be truthful, I was just very grateful that she was there with me. I always enjoy her company, even though I hadn’t been sure that the feeling was mutual. (In retrospect, I suppose she being there with me said it all.)

But I could not express the sentiment to her. I said that I wanted to ask her something.

What came out next was a lie.

I do not remember what I asked, but I remember that she told me that she had never known any person well—not another Taguel and especially not a human. She said that I was different from the other man-spawn she had met, and that she wanted to learn more about me. I remember how she hastily brushed back her hair as she added that she also wanted to learn more of human customs, seeing that she was living among them.

I told her that I would be more than happy to tell her about all of those things. Then I closed my eyes, and I sighed.

Panne worried about me and asked if I was in pain. I could not help but to smile at her. I remember how soft her braids felt on my arms. I told her that I was not in pain, but content. She then let out a sigh of her own and muttered that human behavior confused her greatly.

I chuckled, and—before I could stop myself—I lifted my hand and brushed it along her cheek. I still cannot believe that I had had the nerve to! Her face turned as scarlet as a carrot.

I cannot remember exactly what I said after that. My heart was pounding pretty hard. (It is pretty fast even as I write.) I remember sputtering a lot of nonsense.

Panne lifted an eyebrow. She asked me if that was a proposal. I said that it was a proposal of sorts, yes. She asked me why I did not say so in the first place and said that she accepted. I do not think she understood what I meant by proposal, because she sat back up, her face straight and back to its natural color.

I grew anxious, and I tried to backtrack. Finally, I knew I had to stop beating around the bush, and I asked her in plain words.

I am thankful that Panne understood the human tradition of marriage because I do not think my heart could have handled the suspense if I had to explain the details. Her cheeks blushed again, and she smiled softly.

I will never forget the words she spoke as she took my hand and pressed it to her cheek. “To think, that I might love a human. What a strange world this is…”