The stage lights dimmed. All of sudden, a slightly overweight child waddled onto stage, with a smile bigger than his ego. “Hey, hey, hey, welcome to yet another round of Jeoporky, Celebrity Edition. Last time, we were rudely interrupted by me having to kill Negative Man, but he is no longer around to say annoying things, so we should be fine. This is the very second episode ever. I’m sure you fans are excited to see another round, because I told you to be. Anyway, shall we meet our losers!”
The crowd squeals, but not very excitedly.
“Fuzzy pickles, I said shall we meet our losers? Squeal, or I’ll feed you to the Oh-So Snake!
The pigs squeal in a screaming tone of voice.
“Heeheehoohoo HA HA snort. Anyways. Our first contestant is a lovely little lady. In fact, one would even say she’s ‘maid’ to order. Heehoohaha! KOFF! KOFF! I’m so original, clever, and witty. Wouldn’t you say so, Masked Man?”
The Masked Man remains silent.
“Jeez, lighten up a little. Just because I tore your family apart and brainwashed you into a monster is no reason to act so gloomy all the time! Anyway. This lady has more silicon in her body than a supermodel. Not only does she answer the phone, but she also might answer some questions! She’s little, she’s a miss, but she’s not a marshmallow, but that doesn’t matter because a robot made out of marshmallow would be gone in a few days once I started getting hungry. Let’s give a big hand to Lil Miss Marshmallow!”
“YOU DID NOT TELL ME THIS WAS A GAME SHOW, MASTER KING P.”
“You’re a robot, slave. You should figure things out without me needing to tell you everything. Anyway, you’re as annoying as my neighbor, so hush. Well, our next contestant is certainly an interesting one. He’s more jealouser than a…well, he’s jealous. He’s as obsessed with trivia games as he is with MCDC. Let’s see if he’s as good at sniffing out the right answer as he is at sniffing out underage nuisances…say hello to the Jealous Pork Trooper!”
“Hey! I thought this was a DCMC concert! Where are they?”
“They’re here, trust me. (heehee snicker) Our final contestant is…is…um, is that right? I’ve never heard of that before. What the pork is an Elderly Save Frog?”
“Hop………………..hop…………….hop……………..”
“Will you hurry up, old man?”
“S-s-shave your game, shonny boy?”
“Why would I need you to do that? Anyway, let’s begin. Our five categories are: Dunkin Andonuts, Blunder Tower, Jukebox Hero, DCMC…”
“OH MY PORK! OHMYPORKOHMYPORKOHMYPORK!”
“Whoops, what I meant to say was MCDC. This cue card has a typo, it says DCMC instead of the correct MCDC. You’re fired, cue card guy! Bucket Brothers! One of you stop working on sound tech and go hold the cards! The other two categories are Porkpourri and Yadda Yadda Yado. Well, without a further do, let’s begin, losers!… Squeal, you insolent subordinates!”
The crowd squeals.
“Lil Miss Marshmallow, you have the board.”
“I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.”
“Yadda Yadda Yado for 1 DP? Ok, whatever you say. From Chapter 4…Whoops, I meant the New Era of Tazmily onward, these three foods can be overheard from behind a closed door…”
Porky smiled to himself because he wrote the question himself. As every snotty kid knows, if you hear someone talking by a door, you absolutely must put your ear up to it. You never know what kind of delicious information you might overhear, and then you could blackmail the people who said it.
Jealous Pork Trooper oinks in. “OJ, Magic, Baccio, Shmizzy Zizz, Lucky.”
“You need to put your answer in the form ‘what is’, idiot. Anyway, orange juice is never mentioned, at least I never overheard them say it. And I have no idea what a Shmizzy Zizz is.”
“You don’t know who Shmizzy Zizz is! Why, if you weren’t my boss I’d knock you flat!”
“Why don’t you take out your aggressions on Sheep over there? He’s a complete failure of a Pigmask.”
“Hey, wait a second! Don’t…don’t…my name is Sheep.”
With a mighty blow, Sheep is knocked out. The Pork Trooper returns to his porkdium. “That feels much better. Good advice, King P.”
“That’s His Highness to you, nincompoop. Anyway, any other guesses?”
Lil Miss Marshmallow oinks in. “CHEESE POPSICLES AND PORK CHOPS.”
“You HAVE to put your answer in the ‘what is’ form. And, that is also wrong. Besides, we ran out of pork chops a long time ago. Anyway, any guesses, Elderly Save Frog?”
……………………………………………………………….oink
“Do you really have to take so long?”
“I-i-i’m shorry, shonny boy, my back ain’t what it ushed to be.”
“How does your back in any way make it hard for you to oink in? Well, answer the hamn question!”
“…………………S-s-shave your game, shonny boy?”
“As I’ve said, you must put your answer in the ‘what is’ form, geezer. Also, I have no need for saving my game at all. Plus, that’s wrong. The correct answer is…well, I only overheard a little bit before they began whispering…crocket rolls? And some other stuff, too. Anyway, next question. You have control of the board, Jealous-”
“DCMC for 1 DP.”
“Actually, it’s MCDC, but I’ll let it slide. This is-”
Jealous Pork Trooper oinks in. “What is His Highness’s Theme, Bon Voyage, Amigo, Theme of DCMC, Samba de Combo, Burst in Rock and Roll…”
“Ok, shut up. How did you know that?.”
“Wait, there’s plenty more songs in their repertoire.”
“Well, you’re right, anyway. That’s a first. You must be a cheater. But, I admire that. Anyway, let’s give’m one whole DP!”
The crowd squeals.
“Really, really, you’re too much. Gee, I’m such a lucky guy to have such great subordinates like you fans. Anyway, Jealous Pork Trooper, you have control-”
“DCMC for 1 DP.”
“Th-”
Jealous Pork Trooper oinks in. “Who is Gorgeous.”
“Me, of course. Oh, you were answering the question. That is correct. Man, we need to get some new questions. These are too easy. Anyway, Jealous Pork Trooper, you-”
“DCMC for 1 DP”
“MCDC. All righty then. Wh-”
Jealous Pork Trooper oinks in. “What is Nantekodda. Man, this is too easy.”
“I’m sorry, but the correct answer to the question ‘The catch-all phrase for goodbyes among DCM-whoops, MCDC fans’ is actually Tonda Gossa!’”
“Wh-no. No. Nononono! That’s wrong!”
“If you have a dispute, you may take it up with the cue card guy. But, I fired him. So, I would advise you to not have any disputes, because there is nothing to do about it.”
The Jealous Pork Trooper’s face turned beet red. Smoke began coming out of his ears. His face got hotter, and hotter, and hotter, until…
“Wow, what is that fantastic smell? It smells like a barbeque in here. Hey, Jealous Pork Trooper! Get up, moron…Wait. Is he dead? Well, he smells so good I just can’t wait any longer! Who wants some fresh ham? Or perhaps some bacon?”
The audience oinked salivatingly. One of the audience members cried out “Oink! Oinkoinkoink! Ooooiiiinnnnkkk!”
“You want to eat it? Too bad. I’m the boss, and part of being any boss is you can do whatever you like and if someone disagrees then you can kill them. I will eat him for my second lunch tomorrow. Anyway, we’ve lost yet another contestant, but never fear! Ratings won’t drop anyway, since watching is mandatory. Well, shall we move on? Elderly Save Frog, you have control of the board.”
“Zzz……………..zzz……………zzz………..”
“For Pork’s sake, Elderly Save Frog, stop that snoring!”
“Zzz……………..zzz…………..zzz…………”
Porky walked over to the frog and threw him against a wall. Bits of frog and glasses splattered all over his brand new shirt.
“Take that! Hey, my new shirt was ruined by this stupid frog! Gah! Well, it appears we have yet another unfortunate accident here, so we’re down to one contestant…wait. Where did she go?”
“WHERE OH WHERE WHAT WHILE IT ATE ME? ROUND AND ROUND IT GOES OR DUE NORTH ONLY WHEN SEA TO SHINING SEA FOR YOU…? HERE I AM BURRITO BOY! HELLO! GREETINGS! BZZZT! WRONG! DON’T STARE AT MY HIPS! BEEP! WHERE? THERE! SO-SO! MORE OR LESS! TWINKLE TWINKLE! GOODBYE! HELLO…AND GOODBYE! whir pop clank clunk
“Lil Miss Marshmallow! Now who will brush my teeth and give me sponge baths? Zoinks! Well, all of our contestants are dead, as usual, once more. So, I have no choice but to proclaim myself the winner again! Squeal for me! Squeal! SQUEAL!”
The crowd squeals.
“I just love that sound! It makes me feel energetic, and safe, because if I didn’t hear it then I would know the Ultimate Chimera would be nearby. Well, the prize of two bags of Hot Spring Powder goes to me, and me alone. Also, we have a bit of a problem, all our celebrities are dead. Nobody will want to do it anymore. So, we ask you, the audience, to nominate three choices for the next round of Jeopardy. No, not you idiotic underlings. I’m talking about the REAL audience. Yeah, you know who you are, idiots! Yep, you! You people on moron.net or whatever it’s called! Nominate three characters from Mother 3…Whoops, I meant the Nowhere Islands, and whoever gets the most votes will be forced to be on the show! It’s a foolproof system! Well, I’m tired, so I’m going to go have the Bucket Brothers fill me up a bath. Actually, that might take some time. I’ll see if I can borrow Andonuts’ Pump Chimera. But I don’t have to ask, since I can just kill him if he refuses! Wahahahaha! HA! HA! HAAAAKOFFKOFF! *snort*”
The lights go black.
