EarthBound II: Legend of the Sound Stone
An alternate MOTHER 3 storyline. 'Nuff said.
Struthio Camelus
Struthio Camelus
Writing a sequel to a MOTHER game, of course, is no easy task. Shigesato Itoi is some sort of shining idol to the fans of the series, and simply put, he’s set a high bar to be reached. But those high bars exist for a reason, and the continued efforts of the fanbase to write fanfiction about this game always delights me. And I certainly appreciate it, in fact, when I see fanfiction that continues a story with new characters rather than simply adapting or expanding upon what already exists. That takes some level of creativity when you choose to make a fresh concept instead of telling us what’s already been done.
Right off the bat, we’re introduced to the concepts of the main antagonist and the plot coupons — assuredly important elements of any MOTHER story, or any SNES RPG, really. However, in this case? I almost wonder if these could be introduced in a most cohesive, fluid manner. Existing in the text are scenes introducing both of these elements. The Arbiter is first revealed when he turns one of his henchmen into pure diamond — a surely chilling thought, and one that creates a much more impactful reveal for our main antagonist rather than simply noting his existence at the beginning of the story. Likewise, the Sound Stones are also revealed when our protagonist has an out-of-body experience in Chapter 3. With this scene, perhaps explaining their functionality at the beginning of Chapter 1 is unnecessary. (I do wonder, though, what sort of connection these plot coupons have to Ness’s Sound Stone. I theorize that the guardian of the eighth stone is, in fact, a post-mortem Ness himself. A clever idea. Although, if this is the case, then the “you and I are more alike than you know” line might be a little too much of a giveaway. )
Rock’s initial confrontation with the alien is one that I feel is executed well. Of course, there is room to supplement detail tot his Chapter 1 if you decide to nix the redundant expository material at the beginning. I tend to prattle on about the whole “show don’t tell” thing. The highly skilled Eagleland Air Force intercepted the craft and quickly shot it down over the podunk town of Tulip River. This is fair enough, but I would adore to hear about this aerial combat. You could show the skills of the Eagleland Air Force by describing their expertly executed aerial tactics as they fight to shoot down this bizarre alien scout. The liked the alien’s final words to Rock, echoing that dare from the Starman Deluxe. “Do not underestimate us.” It’s a pretty good taunt, and one that gets you thinking about what the Arbiter’s forces have in store.
I understand this is some sort of alternate MOTHER 3. Rock, I assume, is a corruption of Flint. However, Lighter and Fuel’s names haven’t changed, which I must admit, can be a bit jarring to me. I’m thinking of them as being the exact same characters from MOTHER 3. I do suggest a name shift, similar to what you did for Rock, or perhaps you could come up with brand-new names with no relation to these previous ones. That would make these characters more “you”, and more memorable. In fact, the most memorable characters to me so far are your villains. The Arbiter’s furious iron fist that is always wrapped around a mug of coffee… his bumbling henchman who somehow butchers and forgets every detail of his mission… the edgy and smug Shade who is quick to go on the offense. Your original flair did all these characters massive favors. They were all really quite enjoyable!
I’m not sure if I’m fond of Lighter firing back at Shade with “that’s the power of courage.” Having just been folded into this life-changing journey due to his other choice being death, I feel like Lighter is probably a bit uncomfortable at this point. He might not be firing what is frankly a platitude at his attacker so quickly.
Flying Flopwops! I suppose that’s it for my spiel! Looking forward to the next part 
Writing a sequel to a MOTHER game, of course, is no easy task. Shigesato Itoi is some sort of shining idol to the fans of the series, and simply put, he’s set a high bar to be reached. But those high bars exist for a reason, and the continued efforts of the fanbase to write fanfiction about this game always delights me. And I certainly appreciate it, in fact, when I see fanfiction that continues a story with new characters rather than simply adapting or expanding upon what already exists. That takes some level of creativity when you choose to make a fresh concept instead of telling us what’s already been done.
Right off the bat, we’re introduced to the concepts of the main antagonist and the plot coupons — assuredly important elements of any MOTHER story, or any SNES RPG, really. However, in this case? I almost wonder if these could be introduced in a most cohesive, fluid manner. Existing in the text are scenes introducing both of these elements. The Arbiter is first revealed when he turns one of his henchmen into pure diamond — a surely chilling thought, and one that creates a much more impactful reveal for our main antagonist rather than simply noting his existence at the beginning of the story. Likewise, the Sound Stones are also revealed when our protagonist has an out-of-body experience in Chapter 3. With this scene, perhaps explaining their functionality at the beginning of Chapter 1 is unnecessary. (I do wonder, though, what sort of connection these plot coupons have to Ness’s Sound Stone. I theorize that the guardian of the eighth stone is, in fact, a post-mortem Ness himself. A clever idea. Although, if this is the case, then the “you and I are more alike than you know” line might be a little too much of a giveaway. )
Rock’s initial confrontation with the alien is one that I feel is executed well. Of course, there is room to supplement detail tot his Chapter 1 if you decide to nix the redundant expository material at the beginning. I tend to prattle on about the whole “show don’t tell” thing. The highly skilled Eagleland Air Force intercepted the craft and quickly shot it down over the podunk town of Tulip River. This is fair enough, but I would adore to hear about this aerial combat. You could show the skills of the Eagleland Air Force by describing their expertly executed aerial tactics as they fight to shoot down this bizarre alien scout. The liked the alien’s final words to Rock, echoing that dare from the Starman Deluxe. “Do not underestimate us.” It’s a pretty good taunt, and one that gets you thinking about what the Arbiter’s forces have in store.
I understand this is some sort of alternate MOTHER 3. Rock, I assume, is a corruption of Flint. However, Lighter and Fuel’s names haven’t changed, which I must admit, can be a bit jarring to me. I’m thinking of them as being the exact same characters from MOTHER 3. I do suggest a name shift, similar to what you did for Rock, or perhaps you could come up with brand-new names with no relation to these previous ones. That would make these characters more “you”, and more memorable. In fact, the most memorable characters to me so far are your villains. The Arbiter’s furious iron fist that is always wrapped around a mug of coffee… his bumbling henchman who somehow butchers and forgets every detail of his mission… the edgy and smug Shade who is quick to go on the offense. Your original flair did all these characters massive favors. They were all really quite enjoyable!
I’m not sure if I’m fond of Lighter firing back at Shade with “that’s the power of courage.” Having just been folded into this life-changing journey due to his other choice being death, I feel like Lighter is probably a bit uncomfortable at this point. He might not be firing what is frankly a platitude at his attacker so quickly.
Flying Flopwops! I suppose that’s it for my spiel! Looking forward to the next part
Thank you! I will revise the whole thing soon, so your feedback is very helpful.
Fun fact: the cover art may or may not have been inspired by Nibiru/Planet X nonsense.
